Ground Zeroes

smell of damp cigarette smoke
burnt out streetlights
dimly lit houses
barely any stars in the sky tonight
cars roaring in the distance
and kicking loose stones on the ground
a couple is walking out right now too
in front of me
talking audibly about something probably important
the fair distance between us muffles the details
they walk down a separate street
the details only matter sometimes

The Phantom Pain

waking up feeling stupid
“today’s the day!” i say in my head, thinking things will be
different today
but they’re not and they won’t ever be
no text saying someone’s here to pick me up
just phantom vibrations on my leg
just waiting
sitting in a chair for nothing to happen
shoes are on but theres nowhere to go
pacing 2-3 minutes in the hallway
tell mom that they’re here and walk out the door
no ones here stupid
you’re just an insignificant little fuck and no one gives a shit
about you or your problems
walk to the park and sit on a cold bench
regret not grabbing a jacket but grit and bear it
more regrets, fun
pull out my phone and look at pictures of everyone having fun
throw the phone a good 20 feet onto the wet ground
start crying and wait a solid 15 minutes before picking it up
start walking again
15 blocks away
a neighborhood i’ve never been in
get lost in the labyrinthine suburbia
tears still coming
this is it i suppose

Nathan Kobland is a well-mannered boy who likes rap music and video games. You can read his blabbering tweet stream at @kobland.