THIS AIN’T A MOVIE

when I relapsed
back in June I
drank the first beer
standing in front of the
bathroom mirror
I watched myself closely
and noticed that
my hand didn’t shake
nor did my lips tremble
when I took the first sip
the way movie drunks always do
when they finally slip up
but if I’d known then
that it would take months
to finally quit
and how much worse
than the last time
the drying out would be
and the panic attacks, too
and how close I'd come to death—
maybe they would have

Brian Rihlmann was born in New Jersey and currently resides in Reno, Nevada. He writes free verse poetry, and has been published in The Rye Whiskey Review, Slipstream, Chiron Review, The Main Street Rag and others. His latest poetry collection, Night At My Throat (2020), was published by Pony One Dog Press.