SELF PORTRAIT

After Candace Williams

As rescued barn cat with six toes. As black dog
chasing mother’s car. As Russian Blue at my feet
through middle school. Through high school. Almost,
almost through college. As weeping in the parking lot
of the vet’s office. As grandfather’s buck knife lying
on a whiskey barrel with father’s watch, heavy
and rusted and calm. As blade dull and chipped.
As first edition of The Bell Jar that still smells
like the night I let a girl read it at the threshold
of her dorm room after too much whiskey and men.
Finally, completely, as the summer I hated myself.
Six inches carved from my own belly with chicken
bones and bicycle spokes. As that other summer
I let shame go and forgave myself everything. As
first time at twenty-four. As no and no and no.
As wait. As eight years later on the drive to work,
the word rape drowning out the morning show
and the punchline and the laughter and the quiet
that always seems to settle over the table after
a funny story. Or a tragic one. As one. And the other.

Ronnie K. Stephens is the author of Universe in the Key of Matryoshka, They Rewrote Themselves Legendary, and The Kaleidoscope Sisters. He joins the many artists calling for a Free Palestine and an end to genocide in every corner of the world.