boys & girls

I choke down gallons of
Craft brewed hypocrisy
Nearly every weekday
Call it healing
Or hiding

Whatever suits this day
& this version of grieving
I participate in

I want to say
Fuck me
For only knowing how to
Miss him
By blaming
All the people who
Haven’t died yet

See I’ve been
Suffocating lately
From all the false gods
Forming cocaine crop circles
In bathroom stalls
And having the nerve
to call it fun

I still have to look in the mirror
And try to be okay with what I’m seeing

I’m not saying we don’t have
A right to our vices
I’m just saying
He’s dead now
And he didn’t think
It was a big deal either

I know I always do this
Get wasted
And wish his illusive sobriety
On every sick person I meet

There are too many people
Who hate my city for this
Because all the boys & girls
Look exactly the same
Fucked up on floors
In strange places

I mean
You are all the same
I can smell you here
Like sour bar shots
& self-loathing
You all wear it the exact same way

Autumn Echo is a performance poet from Jamestown, NY. She is the founder and Slam Master of Pulse Poetry Slam. She has featured at events across New York State. She writes to make herself uncomfortable. Sometimes, she can’t tell the difference between a poem and a nude photograph. Find Autumn Echo on Facebook and Tumblr, facebook.com/sirenpoetryaes and sirenpoetry-aes.tumblr.com.