BEFORE FINDING HER
(on your phone and elsewhere)
What if we just left it at "you make better dippy eggs than I do" - if I didn't switch gears and call another house my home - what if you didn't look at me twice, my glasses giving off a glare in your direction; if I left at the edge of summer instead of trespassing into fall or if you ended your scheduled shifts on time - what if I never handed you a plum from the garden because it tasted too sour - what if you didn't smell just like my father and had the same dull fade out - what if I wasn't so inclined at reading birth charts and placed you at the center of mine - or if accidents always happen on purpose and it was an accident I was into astrology and dippy eggs - what if I shot you down after the third or fourth date - or what if I didn't believe it was an accident that you smelled just like him because we know how long grief can stick around before attaching itself to someone else - and so what if I fall face first onto someone else's heartaches - what if you only care about landing on your feet or where they can take you - what if you didn’t bend me over the crucifix of your past - if your tongue wasn't split in two - what if you punctured the egg - what if the sex was irrelevant - if you told me where you're headed instead of where you've been - and what if I followed - what if you're actually part merman, your sea entirely green - if you never brought me morning coffee and a case of your ex - if God was the only judge and there was never a case for us - if I'm starting to forget how tangible it almost was?
Based out of NEPA, Jodi Balas is an "always developing" neurodiverse poet who uses a variety of methods to expand her craft and is searching for innovative ways on how poetry could be evolved and cultivated. Currently she is working on her first Chapbook, titled The Art of Molting where she draws inspiration from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' stages of grief to center the book's theme. Jodi has work published in The Willawaw Journal, Grand Little Things, The Times Leader and is a contributor of the PA Bards.