Shan Cawley

tag yourself, i'm the vending machine with the sign that says "the light is out but i'm still on”

so scared of
the next chapter
of my life to be
boring and normal

i am very good
at being the worst
person i know 

keeping tabs
on my awfulness
like how many
tabs
i have open
on google chrome
right now

like “which korea
is the bad korea”
and “how many times
do i have to stare at myself
until my student loan debt
becomes a reality” 

i do not want
to be fearful of
my shitty tendencies
in the fear that
they will breed
more shitty tendencies 

the truth is never
dreamy in fact it
is kind of my worst
nightmare

i do not want
to think that i have
the capability
to destroy myself
in more ways than one

---

Shan Cawley is an Appalachian poet and student residing in Morgantown, West Virginia. Shan is the author of kingdom now (Maudlin House 2018) and has had work appear in sea foam magazine, apt magazine, tenderness, yea and elsewhere. You can follow Shan on Twitter and Instagram @shancawleywvu.