pinch estrogen

you wanted to pinch estrogen pills into her mouth
& feel her stomach go soft, the tits
at first two plums then heavier, looser
& turn her head against a pillow
& watch all that hair laid yellow like wheat
& maybe even accomplish
some sort of life, jointly, could you be so lucky
& perhaps a little stupid to put your palm
to her neck & feel the breath
whistle through her blood like a train
through a dark, unnamable tunnel
& she didn’t love you, but you wanted anyway
& the mistakes came often
& you can’t help but wonder about
what now? where does someone like her go?
what has the body
become? unsexed, unsure,
the swan-silk of her collarbones
parallel to a mattress, disinterested.
a few years out & you can't possibly know,
but you know the felinity of her eyes,
leveled, bored. wherever she is,
a light strung like the sun, then snuffed, gone.

silas denver melvin (he/him) is a transsexual poet from New Hampshire. His work is forthcoming or published with Antler Velvet, Bullshit Lit, SCAB, WACK, Toyon Lit, Bleating Thing, and elsewhere. He is the head poetry editor for Beaver Magazine. More of his work can be found on Twitter + Tumblr @sweatermuppet & Instagram @sweatermuppets.