Therapist’s Recommendation
after Matthew Olzmann
after Eve L. Ewing
We drive on I-880 towards Homegoods and TJMaxx in Cupertino from San José / Ma takes a deep breath while I fumble with choosing a radio station and the wheel / says again that she’s scared / asks again, emphatically, as if we had been inside a conversation / asks the windshield, “What if I die?” / says to her palm, “You and your brother are not even married yet.” / can mind-read so effortlessly from the passenger’s side, “Who will take care of you?” / When Ma says she’s scared / I don’t listen / her confessions the writing prompts I dodge / I don’t let her finish her sentences / I deflect her fears with my jumping avoidance / instead of my empty phrases / like “Don’t worry” / or “You’re fine, mom” / I stop silencing her / instead I imagine:
We drive back to the hospital for free cupcakes / all the doctors are in one room / celebrating / telling us her cancer is in remission / confirming the research that it no longer exists to kill / we’ll never have to come back here, in fact, everyone else in the hospital is healed / and released / and the hospital has a Circus and Playground Department / or something vapid but entertaining like the Museum of Ice Cream / where illusion is playful and tangible / and the Warriors appear in support / and they all sign a jersey / she takes pictures with her favorites / calls Stephen Curry / Step, Carry like she’s giving the sweetest instructions for how to do a lay-up / and he hugs her in congratulation / and the nurses / hold balloons and give us canvas bags as big as hot air balloons for a shopping spree / and they hand us golden envelopes with gift cards to discount retail stores / and malls / they give us clocks with no minute or hour hands / nothing slips away from us / especially not / not our time with each other
Janice Lobo Sapigao (she/her) is a daughter of immigrants from the Philippines. She is the author of two books of poetry: microchips for millions (Philippine American Writers and Artists, Inc., 2016), and like a solid to a shadow (Timeless, Infinite Light, 2017 by way of Nightboat Books). She was named one of the San Francisco Bay Area’s Women to Watch in 2017 by KQED Arts. She was a VONA/Voices Fellow and was awarded a Manuel G. Flores Prize, PAWA Scholarship to the Kundiman Poetry Retreat. She is an Assistant Professor of English at Skyline College, the 2020-2021 Santa Clara County Poet Laureate, and a Poet Laureate Fellow with the Academy of American Poets.