Ode to Steamed Egg Custard
After Kevin Young
You are the sun in my mouth.
Three golden yolks swimming
at the bottom of the bowl.
When I pierce the clear membrane
with my fork, the unborn flow
out, waiting to be beaten,
their shiny, viscosity whisked
into ether. You are cloud.
You are smoke. You absorb
whatever I put inside you:
fingernail wisps of scallion,
velvety skin of mushroom,
the pink and white toothy grin
of thinly sliced kamaboko.
But I like you best when
you are pure, light.
A pale-yellow silk river slipping
down my throat, the comfort
of chicken broth, diaphanous
protein. You show me that food
can be air, rising from within, lifting
my spirit up on cardboard wings.
You fed me the day my grandpa died,
floating on a bed of red paper lotuses
inked in a language I inherited,
but is not my own. Soon, our hands
released him into the fire.
Then ash and bones. Chalk-white dust,
lighter than even you. For now,
you are the soft sponge of memory
that burns inside of me. Like a paper lantern,
I drift up into the night sky, only to fold
back down to earth again, a tattered prayer.
You wash over me like music, in waves
of regret, or grief. Or both. We were never
close. Will he see me now? In between
pauses, I hear the sound of Bach’s cello suite
swelling in the background, rocking me
back to the morning of his funeral, as we all
sat still in the dark hall, looking up
at family photos flashing across a screen,
above a constellation of orchids. With the last
bite, you cradle me into a fever-pitched
crescendo, and then I unravel—
one, long, quivering thread of a note to hold
us back together.
Anny Chen is a writer, designer, and illustrator living in Paris, France. She grew up in Taipei, Taiwan, and has lived and worked in New York City and San Francisco. She often finds herself in between languages, identities, cultures, and countries. This mixed-up, beautiful mess can be felt in her work. When she is not tinkering at her desk, she enjoys reading, going on walks, thrifting, eating, and spending time with her husband and three-year-old son. She is a lifelong learner, who loves the thrill of chasing a new creative endeavor.