Men Worth Forgetting

My friend Madison asks me to count the men
I’ve slept with    but I lose count.     I don’t mean to
be this way as often as I am.

I forget I once met a man at his office
near my parents’ house.    He told me to get on my knees
on the thin carpet

then bent me over.   I hated him for believing his dick
was bigger than it was  :  Tops can be so delusional
but that is the price of men.    I hated him

for shoving himself into me dry.     I screamed
hoping the neighbors wouldn’t hear,    but who was I
protecting?    Him?    The way

society strips and bends over for mediocre dick?
I clean myself in the bathroom.     He says, Had trouble
didn’t you?     I blocked him when I left.

I deleted Grindr.    I channeled my rage into working
out my glutes.     I tell my friend Madison I’ve slept with fourteen
people but I know it’s a lie.

I hardly sleep with men because I want to find love.
I sleep with men because they want me     which is better
than how my father acts these days.

Lying up at midnight, I feel lonely.     I re-download Grindr
for the attention.    The man from the office messages me,
Hey, I’ve missed you, boy.

Andrew Hahn’s work has been featured in Crab Creek Review, Rappahannock Review, Pithead Chapel, Glass: A Journal of Poetry, and Yes, Poetry among others. His chapbook GOD’S BOY is forthcoming from Sibling Rivalry Press in November 2019.